Stupid Questions.

Yes. Doom Roll is safe for kids, toddlers, and even fully grown adults who still behave like them. Our jokes are PG, family friendly, and safe for all ages, and our sheets are made from 100 percent natural bamboo fibres without the usual sh*t list of chemicals hiding in generic toilet paper. Just soft, strong, panic proof sheets built to save humanity’s smallest and largest rear ends.

Perfect. We are always hunting for terrible jokes to emboss on future rolls. Drop your sheet suggestions on socials, tag @doomrolltp, and pray yours is bad enough to make it into the next run.

Think of every other toilet paper as you. A soggy handshake. Thin. Flimsy. Falls apart under pressure. Now think of Doom Roll as the guy she tells you not to worry about. The confident, moisturized grip of someone who actually respects themselves. Soft, ultra strong, 3 ply, double length, plastic-free, and wrapped in limited edition designs with embossed jokes. It does everything boring toilet paper brands do, only better for you and better for mother nature.

We charge the same as most eco friendly brands for a 48 roll, 3 ply, double length box, except ours looks good, feels good, and comes with character wraps and embossed jokes. Plus, you cannot put a price on escaping the walk of shame that comes with buying supermarket sh*t tickets that announce your next explosion to the world.

If you are offended by Doom Roll, you'd probably love Big TP companies that wrap their rolls in plastic, print baby bears and puppies on the packaging, chop down millions of trees every day, and use toxic chemicals to make their sheets feel “soft and pure.” Which is fine if you ignore the pollution, deforestation, and the part where it might actually be bad for you.

Leave your phone at the door and experience the bathroom the way nature intended. Read our sheets, laugh your ass off, and wipe with bamboo softer than the baby bottoms our competitors plaster on their packaging. P.S. You are 50 percent less likely to get hemorrhoids using Doom Roll when you follow these instructions.

Right now, you can only buy Doom Roll at doomroll.com. But do not panic, we promise to be on retail shelves and ready for the next time society collectively loses its mind over toilet paper.

Shockingly, no. Doom Roll is a real, premium toilet paper company built for the end times, complete with embossed jokes and limited edition designs. The brand is ridiculous on purpose, but the quality is deadly serious. The only thing we are joking about is the panic, for now anyway. Hoard responsibly.

Your pre-order ships as soon as our first production run is ready, with current estimates at around two months. We will keep you updated every step of the way with emails you will probably read on the toilet. Once your order is ready to ship, you will receive tracking info and can expect your box to arrive in 4-6 days.

Absolutely. Each series includes new collectible character wraps, embossed jokes, and the occasional collab with celebs, brands, or anyone brave enough to put their face on a Doom Roll. If you see a box you like, grab it fast.

Dead Points unlock stupid prizes and other nonsense. Rumor has it they tie into $DEAD, but officially we did not say that and you cannot prove we did.

Each blind box series includes 48 Doom Rolls featuring 12 regular edition characters, 1 guaranteed mystery edition, and a 1/288 chance of pulling a grail edition.